Cash for Codgers

 

JUST IN ... 
  
Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan. 
 
President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reed,  are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named.... 

"CASH FOR CODGERS": and it works like this... Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person.  The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.

Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over  their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.

All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair. 

Run little buddy, Run!   
 
And remember you heard it here first...

Patriotic Duty - August 22, 2009

DONT FORGET ABOUT NEXT SATURDAY: Please Help our Country! Don't forget to mark your calenders, Saturday August 22, 2009. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood potential Muslim extremist terrorists. Women are asked to Circle their block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. This is a NO COST (to the Government) effort, and is a new weapon put forth by the Obama Adminsitration as a cheap way of continuing our effort of the War on Terrorism, weeding out possible terrorists and keeping our troops out of harms way, and not adding to the deficit. Patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not radical Muslims, and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 12-pack of beer at your side is further proof of your non-Muslim affiliation. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out possible terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America ! It is your patriotic duty to pass this on.